Your Deep Dark Secret

Your Deep Dark Secret

This may be a very uncomfortable read for you and so you may just dismiss it as rubbish and that is okay. It is just information and words and you can do with it, what you want with it. I am unsure of whether to write about this topic but for the small minority that will benefit from it, I will continue.

For those with cancer, what is your deepest, darkest secret? The one you want nobody to know about. The secret that you don’t want anyone to know about and perhaps you are only vaguely aware of this secret.

This secret is not about something you may have done, it is deeper than that. This secret is about how you feel about yourself at your core. The secret that you may have, if you have cancer, is that ‘you are (or may be) nothing’. You may not be aware of the implications of that secret belief and that secret has another aspect, that is attached to the statement of “I am nothing” and it is the sense that there is a part of you, that is so horrible and foul, that if anyone ever glimpsed that part of you, then they would be disgusted in you as well.

You may sense that this part, is lurking deep at the back of your mind and if you visualize this part it will look like a formless, blackish, blob like mess and you fear this part above all else, for you feel that this black formless mess might just be who you really are or where you have come from. You may feel that if you acknowledge this part, then you might disappear into its blackness.

Have you spent your life protecting yourself from this secret? Have you spent your life trying to forget or bury this part?

What effects has this part had on your life? Has it had a central role, that is, has your life been a reaction to this part?

Do you have any sense that there may be a link between this lurking black nothingness (sometimes it is tinged with dark red) and your cancer? If you ‘see’ the cancer how does it appear to you? Not how you imagine, from text or photos but from deep within the cancer itself. This is a strange request but imagine the cancer giving you an impression, a view of itself. What information is there, what is the cancer telling you? Has it got something to say to you?

The cancer cells are you cells and they are a part of you, so information is there, accessing it is the problem. But access the information you can. When you ask the questions, be genuine that you are asking ‘the cancer’ and pay attention to the answer. The answer may come as feelings or in some other form of communication.

What would happen if you accepted the black formless blob and the cancer? Why resist and fight? The black nothingness/blob is only a natural perception we generate when our ego first starts to form, very early in childhood.

We are not born with an ego or identity, it forms from 6mths to 3 years of age and then we constantly update our egos and identity. When our first ego identity begins to form, there is confusion and separation from the mind/body unconsciousness, which is only unconscious to the conscious mind. The ego is the controller of the conscious mind, and simply put, the conscious mind’s purpose is to enable the smooth functioning of relationships (interaction between on ego and other peoples egos) communication and language are its primary tools.

Now about the age of two when the ego is firmly entrenched, it can be hit with a sudden realization; Where was ‘I’ before I was here, I didn’t ask to exist, one moment I wasn’t here and then I was, if ‘I’ didn’t ask to come into existence, what is to stop me from disappearing back into nothingness/non existence.

You see, the ego is a construct, a fabulous construct but a construct none the less. It has no physical form. It exists only as an idea. Before the ego existed the entire human body existed and functioned perfectly, so when the ego realizes this, it asks where was I before I was? The answer can only be a black formless visualization, it is the only image one can come up with.

The ego being new, becomes terrified of falling back into the nothingness and ceasing to exist. So the nothingness, though only a concept, a perception of the newly formed ego, becomes real (to the ego) and something that you have to guard against, to fear and always keep at bay. So this part (though only a concept) is deemed anti survival and as we grow we tend to then see this part as bad or evil or malevolent and as assume it is real and a part of us. If it is a part of us, it had to be there first and hence we feel it is the real us. We came from That!

So life becomes a façade, a mask to show others, to fool others so they don’t see the real Me. How can we have worth or value if we are really this disgusting black mess? Our life is not real, I am not real, imagine the pain involved. And where is all that pain, where do we store it? Where can we put all that pain, all the vulnerability created because ‘I am or might be that spewed up licorice like thing’ and because ‘I am not who you think I am’.

And how does all this help?

Love heals! Though the nothingness is only a concept, it creates effects that match the meaning and image associated with it. You fear it, you are terrified of it and so it feels real and powerful and so you are weak and vulnerable compared to it and yet, it truly is nothing. But because you have treated it as real and feared it for so long, there has been an absence of love, and love is nutrition to the body, mind and soul and so you are malnourished. Love the black thing, be aware of it, acknowledge it, accept it and then give it your love. Allow yourself to merge with it (did the terror just kick in?), if you allow yourself to be one with it, then you will finally experience, that there is nothing there to hurt you, there is nothing to fear, there is no need to fear yourself , there is nothing there to do anything and you will be free, free to be you, free from your suffering.

How would your life have been if you had never questioned your existence?

How will your life be if you no longer fear yourself and no longer hold your secret, how will your body feel? What differences will you experience?

Food for thought or rubbish to toss in the bin?

Recommended Reading
Life Patterns the Secret to Emotional Freedom


Posted by Healing Cancer